Dedede's Nightmare
by Wario the TableMan
Summary: King Dedede wanted to have a nice day doing nothing, but then something absolutely horrifying happened. Join Triple D as he struggles to fight for survival against a creature so fearsome, so terrible, so mind-bendingly large, that those of you with weak constitutions may want to leave the stadium.


It was a downright spiffy day in Dreamland, and King Dedede was loving the peace and quiet. He did miss the chaos and eccentricity though. "Maybe Ah'll buy a monstuh t'day an' come at dat Kirby full force…" he mused. He then took a ridiculous bound backwards and landed in his pink-striped lounge chair. He looked down from the balcony he was resting and saw a whole 'tox-ton of Waddle-Dees scampering around trying to please their king the best they could. Dedede smirked and flicked his shades down atop his beak. "But t'day's a mad fine day! Maybe Ah'll just gonna relax!"

Dedede reached over to his side table and snagged a can of Dream Pringles. He popped the cap and inhaled the salty goodness and was super satisfied. He started to feel himself doze off, but was quickly awoken when he heard a loud crashing noise from below. Dedede was so startled that he almost fell off the balcony when he peered over to see what all the commotion was about. He looked over at the castle courtyard, and to his dismay, it was that no-good Kirby that he hated so. Kirby had disrupted some Waddle-Dees that were on their lunchbreak and was causing a ruckus as he bounced around like a naïve child.

Dedede's blood was boiling at this point. He hated Kirby and all the excuses people made for him. So what if Kirby was technically a baby in his current state? Somebody should be watching him at all times to make sure he didn't bother their monarch. "Dis is why I always regret outlawin' guillotines! But on da odduh hand, what kinda head do he have ta' chop off anyhow?"

Escargoon loped by with a can of sardines that he munched on gleefully. He saw Dedede running by and asked if he wanted a bite. "Ah can't talk to yous! I got a Kirby to clobber!"

"Sire, whatever for this time?" said Escargoon.

"He buggin' mah guards! I'mma stomp 'im like a plumber fo' his despicability!"

"Wait up, sire! I'll get a camera so we can blackmail him for breaking and entering!"

"Dis is personal, Escargoon! I'mma teach him good!" Dedede pulled out his mallet and swatted the door down that led to the courtyard. He ran down the stairs and up to the site where Kirby was being a nuisance. "YOU KNUCKLEHEAD!"

Kirby squeaked when he saw Dedede approach. At first he seemed happy to see the king, but then he noticed the ferocious hammer-swinging. Kirby jumped up in shock and ran away.

"You ain't getting' away, rascal!" cried Dedede as he gained on Kirby, missing each strike he pounded down. "You little brat!"

Kirby was suddenly backed into a corner with the shadow of a very angry Dedede looming over him. He turned and wore a terrified and confused expression as Dedede blew smoke from his nostrils like a birdy boiler about to burst.

"So!" said Dedede with fury. "Any last words 'fore I whup you good?" Kirby whined a tad and plopped down on his rump. "You gonna falls asleep? I thoughts you was a Star Warriuh!"

Escargoon ran up to Dedede with a camcorder in hand. "Here's the proof-capturing device, sire! Smack him good so we can set an example about what happens to blustering buffoons who make a mess outta mealtime!"

"Get dat doohickey rollin', Escargoony! I'mma wail on him!"

"ROLLING!"

Kirby was pretty terrified at this moment and had no idea really what was about to happen next. He did feel sleepy though, so he proceed to take a nap.

"Pink Stuff's takin' a snooze cruise!" remarked Escargoon surprised.

"What a idiot!" cackled Dedede. He rose the mallet sky-high and prepared to smash the young Star Warrior into next week's episode. Dedede looked up at the head of the mallet gleaming in the sunlight. "Dis gon' be a bash!" Suddenly Escargoon screamed and Dedede lost his concentration (trust me, he needs a lot). Dedede was carried by the weight of his upright hammer and fell onto his back. Dedede jumped right back up and punched Escargoon on the noggin. "You moron! Whatchu freakin' out like a creep about?"

Escargoon slowly looked up at Dedede. "Why don't you ask your little pink friend?" he gulped.

Dedede grimaced a bit and then looked down at Kirby. His expression suddenly turned into pure shock as he saw the most terrifying image in all of his life. He and Escargoon fell down to the ground and scrambled away from Kirby.

Kirby was simply sitting on his bum still, but he was now in the process of a… rather awkward ritual of sorts. Kirby always took his shoes off before going to bed. And that's just what he did now. Kirby had successfully pulled one of his little red loafers off and was starting on the second. Much to Dedede and Escargoon's horror, Kirby didn't just reveal he could remove his once supposed "feet", but he also revealed what his true feet actually looked like.

"Sweet merciful toad!" cried Escargoon. "What are those!?"

Kirby's feet were not the average rounded stubs you would expect him to have. No, instead, Kirby's feet could be best described as wretched, humanoid, abominations. These were appendages that no one would ever think Kirby would have had hidden under his tiny crimson slippers. They were long, bony, had five toes each, and looked like they stank to high heaven.

"I was 'bout ta' axe you da same ting…" said Dedede.

Even the Waddle-Dees in the courtyard started to flee in terror as they saw Kirby's shocking display. Some were so shocked that they actually grew mouths and flew away twirling their tongues like helicopters. What stood before the kingdom of Dreamland now was no joke and a true force to be reckoned with.

"Keep 'im away! Save me, Escargoon!" said Dedede.

Kirby was concerned that Dedede and Escargoon were in some sort of danger based on the way they were huddled together in fear. He stood back up and slowly walked over to the two. Dedede and Escargoon screamed as he approached and started to run. Kirby smiled and thought that the two wanted to play a game like tag. He happily ran after them flailing his stubby pink arms.

"He's gaining, Sire!" squealed Escargoon.

"I'm too young and handsome to start pushin' daisies!" said Dedede in tears.

Kirby continued to advance.

"Look, Sire!" announced Escargoon. "The main door is up ahead! If we make it in fast enough, we can lock Kirby out!"

"I want mah mama!" cried Dedede as he shoved Escargoon out of the way and ran for the door. He looked back when he heard Escargoon screech. He saw that Kirby had caught up with the snail and was dancing around him happily. "Obviously, he gonna kill 'im! At least I'll be safe!" Dedede finally made it to the door, swung it open, and slammed it behind him. He proceeded to bolt up the door and then began boarding it up. He also pushed his bed in front of the door as well. Dedede panted after the work was finished and plopped down in his bed. "Tank goodness… Thought I was gonna get got…" He turned over on his side and fell asleep.

The next morning, Dedede woke up with a sore back and headache. He yawned and slowly flopped out of bed and dragged himself into the bathroom. He was about to brush his teeth, but he suddenly heard a squeak from behind him. He turned and saw the shower had turned on. Dedede slowly approached the shower and then he pulled back the curtain. Inside was Kirby with his gigantic humanoid feet in full display. Kirby was standing on one foot and was holding up the other, washing the sole. The water trickled between Kirby's monstrous toes and caused the nails to glint voluptuously. He lowered his first foot and then went to work wetting the second, singing happily as he did so.

Dedede could only watch in horror as Kirby finally noticed him. He smiled and pulled out a bar of soap. Dedede screamed jumped atop the sink. "Those things ain't healthy, Kirby!" he said between tears. "I always knowed there was something more than meeting da eye than you led in on!"

Kirby was completely oblivious to Dedede's fear still and took the soap and rubbed it all over his feet. He made sure to get under the nails and in between each of his little tootsies. Kirby sang some more as he pulled out a brush. He brushed his feet with it and laughed because the bristles most certainly tickled.

Dedede was still completely on edge. "He be chantin' horrible tings! He gon' summon a demon and take down Dreamland and me along widdit!" Dedede shot out a forceful burst of tears as Kirby continued to wash his feet.

Kirby looked over at Dedede and happily waved. Dedede wailed again. Kirby turned off the water and grabbed a towel. He slowly dried off his feet and then proceeded to the drawers to find some useful hygienic equipment.

"Jus' take whatevah you want! Jus' don't hurt me, Kirby!" Dedede clung to the top of the mirror above the sink as he saw Kirby draw nearer.

Kirby pulled out some nail clippers from the drawer and started snapping away on the first foot, making sure that each of his nails were aligned perfectly as if he were a master sculptor at an art show. He slowly stroked his "hand" against the line of nail rims to see if they were even. A satisfied smile lit up his face and then he went to work emulating the last process onto the other foot. He stashed the clippers back into the drawer then after, and dug around for his next tool.

"You isn't gonna kill me, right?" called Dedede who was now hanging from the chandelier.

Kirby found a file and then went on to fix the leftover flaws in his toenails. This did not take too long though. Soon Kirby was completely satisfied with his little piggies and he put everything back in its place. He then trotted over to the bathroom door and exited. Dedede was finally alone now.

Dedede slowly descended from his safezone. He sighed in relief as he plopped down onto the floor. "Hot diggety…" he said exhausted. "Dat dere Kirby's gonna kill us all! He already gotted Escargoon, an' I might be next!" He curled into a ball and cried out. "What am Ah s'pose ta' do!"


End file.
